here to steal your night away.
WHAT’S HAPPENING AT THE THIEVES
Full Tilt Entertainment: Never Miss a Moment
From pulsating gigs and dazzling cabaret to side-splitting comedy and high-energy club nights, there’s always something to get into.
You'll find DJs spinning Funk, Soul, Disco, Disco House, Indie, Alt, and Classics. The energy will never drop.
For the culturally curious, keep an eye out for our most unique events, like the Neon Naked Strip Karaoke or a spontaneous live set.
Every day, something's happening. Get ready to live the night at full tilt.
Open Mic Music Every Other Tuesday
The best up and coming singers and musicians join us for a night of free live music!
If you’re interested in getting involved and taking the mic, get in touch with The Good Gig Company via their Instagram here.
Great cocktails, tasty beers and delicious food alongside free live music!
Music from 8pm til 11pm.
Live Music Every Friday!
Kick off your weekend with some of the best live music London has to offer, completely free of charge with brand new live acts announced every week!
Every Friday, The Thieves hosts a rotating line-up of exceptional musicians, bands and performers spanning soul, funk, indie, blues, pop, acoustic favourites and everything in between. Whether you’re discovering a new favourite artist or catching a seasoned performer up close, every show brings something different.
Grab a drink, settle in with friends and enjoy an evening of outstanding live music in the heart of the city. No tickets, no fuss – just great artists, great atmosphere and free entry all night.
Free Entry | Every Friday | Live Music from 9pm til 1am
DJs in The Arcade Every Friday and Saturday
DJ’S IN THE ARCADE
Head upstairs to the Arcade every Friday night for an expertly curated soundtrack of party favourites, timeless classics and dancefloor gems.
Expect everything from funk, soul and disco to hip-hop, house, R&B and feel-good anthems, all selected by our resident DJs to keep the energy high and the good times rolling into the early hours.
Whether you’re settling in for a few drinks, celebrating with friends or looking for somewhere to kick-start your weekend, the Arcade provides the perfect late-night atmosphere.
Free Entry | Every Friday and Saturday | DJs from 9pm – 2am
DJ's in the Main Bar Every Saturday Night
Every Saturday, The Thieves comes alive with an unbeatable soundtrack courtesy of our resident DJs in the Main Bar.
Expect a crowd-pleasing mix of party classics, disco, funk, soul, house, hip-hop, R&B and feel-good anthems, expertly selected to keep the dancefloor moving from the first drink to the last song.
Whether you’re celebrating, catching up with friends or simply looking for a great night out, our Saturday DJs bring the energy, atmosphere and weekend vibes that make The Thieves one of London’s favourite party destinations.
Free Entry | Every Saturday | DJs from 8pm – 2am
Open Mic Comedy Every Other Tuesday: Hosted by Comedy Now London
Whether you’re an up and coming comedian eager to get on the mic or a lover of the art form and keen for a laugh - come and enjoy free entry Comedy at Thieves!
Get in touch with Comedy Now via their Instagram here to get involved in the Open Mic!
Free Entry, 8pm til 11pm
The Great Comedy Heist: Live Comedy
Join us at Thieves for a night of phenomenal comedy!
Featuring:
John Robertson
An Australian-born hurricane of manic energy, John Robertson is best known as the creator and host of The Dark Room, the world's first interactive live-action videogame comedy show, which grew from a viral YouTube hit into an international cult sensation. A sharp-witted stand-up, streamer, and author, John's energetic, improvisational style and fearless crowd work have made him a standout headline act at comedy festivals and venues across the globe.
"A compelling performer, known for his manic and quick-witted style of improvised stand-up comedy." — Comedy Carnival
Finlay Christie
At just 19, Finlay Christie became one of the youngest ever winners of the prestigious So You Think You're Funny? competition. Dubbed "the voice of his generation" for his sharp takes on Gen Z life, Finlay has amassed a huge online following alongside TV appearances on Live at the Apollo (BBC One), 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown (Channel 4), and The Stand-Up Sketch Show (ITV2). His debut Edinburgh Fringe show, OK Zoomer, earned widespread critical praise and a nomination for NextUp's Best Show Award.
"Finlay Christie will be the future of stand-up comedy." — The Telegraph
Justin Panks
Unapologetically fearless and high-energy, Justin Panks brings a raw, "punk-rock" edge to the stand-up stage. A highly sought-after MC and circuit veteran with over a decade of international experience, Justin delivers unexpected punchlines disguised as everyday anecdotes. Known for his sharp observational wit, supreme stage confidence, and ability to command any room, he effortlessly balances relatable humor with outrageous, boundary-pushing jokes.
Doors 7pm - Show 8pm.
Pitch, Please! | Pitch Your Single Friend!
The world in 2026 is all about meeting IRL, not on dating apps!
Got a friend who’s single, stunning, and totally dateable? Time to sell them on stage at TheThieves with PITCH, PLEASE!
DISCLAIMER - YOU DON'T HAVE TO PITCH ANYONE TO ATTEND THIS EVENT
To apply to pitch, please fill out the form PITCH A FRIEND FORM!
Get involved and buy tickets here.
Welcome to Pitch a Single Friend – the wildly fun, slightly chaotic, and fun night where friendship meets matchmaking. It’s like Dragon’s Den, but for dating… and with cocktails.
Here’s the deal: brave (and maybe slightly mischievous) pals take the mic to pitch their fabulous friends to a room full of eligible singles. Each 3–5 minute power point pitch is a celebration of what makes their mate a total catch – with humour, heart, and just enough sass. Expect around 4-7 pitches throughout the night with plenty of time in between to drink, flirt, and discuss who’s a 10/10.
Because if you’re going to sell your mate…
Pitch, Please.
Presenters and the friend their pitching get half price entry, don't say we don't treat you x
💌 Not pitching? No worries. Come to watch, cheer, and maybe even meet your next crush in the crowd. It’s low-pressure, high-fun, and the perfect midweek buzz.
💌Not single but got a bestie to pitch? If you’re loved-up, cuffed, or simply not on the market but you do have a single friend you’re ready to hype up, you’re more than welcome!
🌟 50+ Singles, one venue. 25+
7:00 PM arrival = peak mingling hour
Open Mic Music Every Other Tuesday
The best up and coming singers and musicians join us for a night of free live music!
If you’re interested in getting involved and taking the mic, get in touch with The Good Gig Company via their Instagram here.
Great cocktails, tasty beers and delicious food alongside free live music!
Music from 8pm til 11pm.
Open Mic Comedy Every Other Tuesday: Hosted by Comedy Now London
Whether you’re an up and coming comedian eager to get on the mic or a lover of the art form and keen for a laugh - come and enjoy free entry Comedy at Thieves!
Get in touch with Comedy Now via their Instagram here to get involved in the Open Mic!
Free Entry, 8pm til 11pm
Open Mic Music Every Other Tuesday
The best up and coming singers and musicians join us for a night of free live music!
If you’re interested in getting involved and taking the mic, get in touch with The Good Gig Company via their Instagram here.
Great cocktails, tasty beers and delicious food alongside free live music!
Music from 8pm til 11pm.
The Great Comedy Heist: Live Comedy
Join us at Thieves for a night of phenomenal comedy!
Featuring:
Johnny Awsum
A high-energy musical comedian and crowd-pleaser who shot to national fame as a semi-finalist on Britain’s Got Talent. Armed with a guitar and an infectious personality, Johnny blends customised songs, audience participation, and feel-good observational humor. He’s performed in over 20 countries and is a staple top-of-the-bill act across the UK circuit.
Esther Manito
An award-winning stand-up, writer, and self-described "Arab Essex girl" who rips apart cultural stereotypes, parenting chaos, and modern gender expectations. Best known for her appearances on Live at the Apollo (BBC), The Stand Up Sketch Show (ITV), and Hypothetical (Dave), Esther’s sharp observational style won her Best Show at the Leicester Comedy Festival.
Tal Davies
A fast-rising comedian and writer whose deadpan Brummie delivery mixes toe-curling personal anecdotes with biting self-deprecating wit. Named Breakthrough Act at the Midlands Comedy Awards and a British Comedian of the Year finalist, Tal’s low-key demeanor on stage hides a killer set of punchlines. She has supported tour acts like Milton Jones, Paul Chowdhry, and Josh Pugh.
Doors 7pm - Show 8pm.
Open Mic Comedy Every Other Tuesday: Hosted by Comedy Now London
Whether you’re an up and coming comedian eager to get on the mic or a lover of the art form and keen for a laugh - come and enjoy free entry Comedy at Thieves!
Get in touch with Comedy Now via their Instagram here to get involved in the Open Mic!
Free Entry, 8pm til 11pm
Pitch, Please! | Pitch Your Single Friend!
The world in 2026 is all about meeting IRL, not on dating apps!
Got a friend who’s single, stunning, and totally dateable? Time to sell them on stage at TheThieves with PITCH, PLEASE!
DISCLAIMER - YOU DON'T HAVE TO PITCH ANYONE TO ATTEND THIS EVENT
To apply to pitch, please fill out the form PITCH A FRIEND FORM!
Get involved and buy tickets here.
Welcome to Pitch a Single Friend – the wildly fun, slightly chaotic, and fun night where friendship meets matchmaking. It’s like Dragon’s Den, but for dating… and with cocktails.
Here’s the deal: brave (and maybe slightly mischievous) pals take the mic to pitch their fabulous friends to a room full of eligible singles. Each 3–5 minute power point pitch is a celebration of what makes their mate a total catch – with humour, heart, and just enough sass. Expect around 4-7 pitches throughout the night with plenty of time in between to drink, flirt, and discuss who’s a 10/10.
Because if you’re going to sell your mate…
Pitch, Please.
Presenters and the friend their pitching get half price entry, don't say we don't treat you x
💌 Not pitching? No worries. Come to watch, cheer, and maybe even meet your next crush in the crowd. It’s low-pressure, high-fun, and the perfect midweek buzz.
💌Not single but got a bestie to pitch? If you’re loved-up, cuffed, or simply not on the market but you do have a single friend you’re ready to hype up, you’re more than welcome!
🌟 50+ Singles, one venue. 25+
7:00 PM arrival = peak mingling hour
Open Mic Music Every Other Tuesday
The best up and coming singers and musicians join us for a night of free live music!
If you’re interested in getting involved and taking the mic, get in touch with The Good Gig Company via their Instagram here.
Great cocktails, tasty beers and delicious food alongside free live music!
Music from 8pm til 11pm.
The Great Comedy Heist: Live Comedy
Join us at Thieves for a night of phenomenal comedy!
Featuring:
Dominic Holland
A veteran of the UK circuit and a Perrier Best Newcomer winner, Dominic Holland is renowned for his sharp, polished observational comedy. With extensive TV credits including Have I Got News for You, The Royal Variety Performance, and Never Mind the Buzzcocks, he has written several novels and successfully toured worldwide.
Ria Lina
A unique force on the comedy circuit, Dr. Ria Lina combines a PhD in Virology with a lethal musical talent and razor-sharp satire. Known for her fearless, analytical take on politics, culture, and social norms, she is a familiar face from Have I Got News for You, Mock the Week, Live at the Apollo, and The News Quiz.
Harry Pettitt
A rising star on the UK circuit, Harry Pettitt brings an energetic, relatable, and audience-pleasing style to the stage. A former finalist in Edinburgh’s prestigious So You Think You’re Funny? competition, this Essex-based comic pairs quick-witted storytelling with effortless charm.
Doors 7pm - Show 8pm.
Pitch, Please! | Pitch Your Single Friend!
The world in 2026 is all about meeting IRL, not on dating apps!
Got a friend who’s single, stunning, and totally dateable? Time to sell them on stage at TheThieves with PITCH, PLEASE!
DISCLAIMER - YOU DON'T HAVE TO PITCH ANYONE TO ATTEND THIS EVENT
To apply to pitch, please fill out the form PITCH A FRIEND FORM!
Get involved and buy tickets here.
Welcome to Pitch a Single Friend – the wildly fun, slightly chaotic, and fun night where friendship meets matchmaking. It’s like Dragon’s Den, but for dating… and with cocktails.
Here’s the deal: brave (and maybe slightly mischievous) pals take the mic to pitch their fabulous friends to a room full of eligible singles. Each 3–5 minute power point pitch is a celebration of what makes their mate a total catch – with humour, heart, and just enough sass. Expect around 4-7 pitches throughout the night with plenty of time in between to drink, flirt, and discuss who’s a 10/10.
Because if you’re going to sell your mate…
Pitch, Please.
Presenters and the friend their pitching get half price entry, don't say we don't treat you x
💌 Not pitching? No worries. Come to watch, cheer, and maybe even meet your next crush in the crowd. It’s low-pressure, high-fun, and the perfect midweek buzz.
💌Not single but got a bestie to pitch? If you’re loved-up, cuffed, or simply not on the market but you do have a single friend you’re ready to hype up, you’re more than welcome!
🌟 50+ Singles, one venue. 25+
7:00 PM arrival = peak mingling hour
DJ's in the Main Bar Every Saturday Night
Every Saturday, The Thieves comes alive with an unbeatable soundtrack courtesy of our resident DJs in the Main Bar.
Expect a crowd-pleasing mix of party classics, disco, funk, soul, house, hip-hop, R&B and feel-good anthems, expertly selected to keep the dancefloor moving from the first drink to the last song.
Whether you’re celebrating, catching up with friends or simply looking for a great night out, our Saturday DJs bring the energy, atmosphere and weekend vibes that make The Thieves one of London’s favourite party destinations.
Free Entry | Every Saturday | DJs from 8pm – 2am
DJs in The Arcade Every Friday and Saturday
DJ’S IN THE ARCADE
Head upstairs to the Arcade every Friday night for an expertly curated soundtrack of party favourites, timeless classics and dancefloor gems.
Expect everything from funk, soul and disco to hip-hop, house, R&B and feel-good anthems, all selected by our resident DJs to keep the energy high and the good times rolling into the early hours.
Whether you’re settling in for a few drinks, celebrating with friends or looking for somewhere to kick-start your weekend, the Arcade provides the perfect late-night atmosphere.
Free Entry | Every Friday and Saturday | DJs from 9pm – 2am
Live Music Every Friday!
Kick off your weekend with some of the best live music London has to offer, completely free of charge with brand new live acts announced every week!
Every Friday, The Thieves hosts a rotating line-up of exceptional musicians, bands and performers spanning soul, funk, indie, blues, pop, acoustic favourites and everything in between. Whether you’re discovering a new favourite artist or catching a seasoned performer up close, every show brings something different.
Grab a drink, settle in with friends and enjoy an evening of outstanding live music in the heart of the city. No tickets, no fuss – just great artists, great atmosphere and free entry all night.
Free Entry | Every Friday | Live Music from 9pm til 1am
The Great Comedy Heist: Live Comedy
Join us at Thieves for a night of phenomenal comedy!
Featuring:
Andrew Maxwell
Renowned for his razor-sharp wit and fearless social commentary, Andrew Maxwell is a double Edinburgh Comedy Award nominee and one of the UK and Ireland’s most acclaimed stand-ups. A regular face on television, his credits include Live at the Apollo, Have I Got News For You, Mock the Week, QI, and ITV’s I’m a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! He is also known as the instantly recognizable voice of MTV's Ex on the Beach and a frequent host and guest on BBC Radio 4’s comedy roster.
Peter Rethinasamy
Born and raised in Belfast to a Malaysian father and Irish mother, Peter Rethinasamy brings hard-hitting, punchy punchlines and hilarious stories of his Northern Irish upbringing to the stage. Winner of the London Comedy Store King Gong competition and a regular across top UK clubs, Peter has featured on Comedy Central Live and supported acts like Seann Walsh and Kerry Godliman on tour.
Darius Davies
High-energy, charismatic, and fiercely original, Darius Davies first started out in the comedy clubs of New York before taking the UK circuit by storm. Co-creator of the smash-hit Edinburgh Fringe show Hate 'N' Live, Darius delivers fast-paced satirical storytelling and unstoppable crowd interaction that has earned him praise across the national press and comedy circuit.
Doors 7pm - Show 8pm.
Open Mic Comedy Every Other Tuesday: Hosted by Comedy Now London
Whether you’re an up and coming comedian eager to get on the mic or a lover of the art form and keen for a laugh - come and enjoy free entry Comedy at Thieves!
Get in touch with Comedy Now via their Instagram here to get involved in the Open Mic!
Free Entry, 8pm til 11pm
DJ's in the Main Bar Every Saturday Night
Every Saturday, The Thieves comes alive with an unbeatable soundtrack courtesy of our resident DJs in the Main Bar.
Expect a crowd-pleasing mix of party classics, disco, funk, soul, house, hip-hop, R&B and feel-good anthems, expertly selected to keep the dancefloor moving from the first drink to the last song.
Whether you’re celebrating, catching up with friends or simply looking for a great night out, our Saturday DJs bring the energy, atmosphere and weekend vibes that make The Thieves one of London’s favourite party destinations.
Free Entry | Every Saturday | DJs from 8pm – 2am
DJs in The Arcade Every Friday and Saturday
DJ’S IN THE ARCADE
Head upstairs to the Arcade every Friday night for an expertly curated soundtrack of party favourites, timeless classics and dancefloor gems.
Expect everything from funk, soul and disco to hip-hop, house, R&B and feel-good anthems, all selected by our resident DJs to keep the energy high and the good times rolling into the early hours.
Whether you’re settling in for a few drinks, celebrating with friends or looking for somewhere to kick-start your weekend, the Arcade provides the perfect late-night atmosphere.
Free Entry | Every Friday and Saturday | DJs from 9pm – 2am
Live Music Every Friday!
Kick off your weekend with some of the best live music London has to offer, completely free of charge with brand new live acts announced every week!
Every Friday, The Thieves hosts a rotating line-up of exceptional musicians, bands and performers spanning soul, funk, indie, blues, pop, acoustic favourites and everything in between. Whether you’re discovering a new favourite artist or catching a seasoned performer up close, every show brings something different.
Grab a drink, settle in with friends and enjoy an evening of outstanding live music in the heart of the city. No tickets, no fuss – just great artists, great atmosphere and free entry all night.
Free Entry | Every Friday | Live Music from 9pm til 1am
DJ's in the Main Bar Every Saturday Night
Every Saturday, The Thieves comes alive with an unbeatable soundtrack courtesy of our resident DJs in the Main Bar.
Expect a crowd-pleasing mix of party classics, disco, funk, soul, house, hip-hop, R&B and feel-good anthems, expertly selected to keep the dancefloor moving from the first drink to the last song.
Whether you’re celebrating, catching up with friends or simply looking for a great night out, our Saturday DJs bring the energy, atmosphere and weekend vibes that make The Thieves one of London’s favourite party destinations.
Free Entry | Every Saturday | DJs from 8pm – 2am
DJs in The Arcade Every Friday and Saturday
DJ’S IN THE ARCADE
Head upstairs to the Arcade every Friday night for an expertly curated soundtrack of party favourites, timeless classics and dancefloor gems.
Expect everything from funk, soul and disco to hip-hop, house, R&B and feel-good anthems, all selected by our resident DJs to keep the energy high and the good times rolling into the early hours.
Whether you’re settling in for a few drinks, celebrating with friends or looking for somewhere to kick-start your weekend, the Arcade provides the perfect late-night atmosphere.
Free Entry | Every Friday and Saturday | DJs from 9pm – 2am
The Great Comedy Heist
The best up and coming comedians every two weeks at The Thieves!
Buy Tickets here
Nick Page
An English Comedian of the Year winner and Britain's Got Talent semi-finalist, Nick Page is a larger-than-life storyteller whose act is full to bursting with unbelievable tales from a life lived on the edge of self-inflicted disaster. Rogueish, bear-like, and effortlessly engaging, Nick skips the props and gimmicks in favor of pure, joke-heavy storytelling. His career has taken him to over half the world's countries, including performing for thousands of troops in war zones—earning him an Operational Service Medal from the British Armed Forces.
"A winning comic personality with a distinctive style and finely tuned storytelling skills." — Chortle
Mike Gunn
A veteran of the UK comedy circuit, Mike Gunn is best known for his TV appearances on Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow and Al Murray’s Time Gentlemen Please. Known for his dry, cynical outlook and darkly funny observation, Mike has a rare talent for walking right up to the edge of what audiences expect while remaining thoroughly likable and hilarious. Beyond headlining major clubs across the globe, he has toured with the likes of Lee Mack, Jo Brand, and Alan Davies.
"One of the top 10 stand-ups in the country." — The Independent
Tom Toal
Hailing from Bexleyheath, South East London, Tom Toal is a charmingly warm and engaging stand-up, writer, and actor. Known for his heart-on-his-sleeve storytelling and effortless audience interaction, Tom mixes genuine vulnerability with sharp, funny observations. An Amused Moose Best Comedy Show finalist who has opened for Rob Brydon on tour, Tom's infectious energy and narrative style can win over any room.
"Tom Toal captivates his audience with a unique brand of narrative comedy that is as delightful to listen to as it is superbly funny." — Punchline
DJ's in the Main Bar Every Saturday Night
Every Saturday, The Thieves comes alive with an unbeatable soundtrack courtesy of our resident DJs in the Main Bar.
Expect a crowd-pleasing mix of party classics, disco, funk, soul, house, hip-hop, R&B and feel-good anthems, expertly selected to keep the dancefloor moving from the first drink to the last song.
Whether you’re celebrating, catching up with friends or simply looking for a great night out, our Saturday DJs bring the energy, atmosphere and weekend vibes that make The Thieves one of London’s favourite party destinations.
Free Entry | Every Saturday | DJs from 8pm – 2am
DJs in The Arcade Every Friday and Saturday
DJ’S IN THE ARCADE
Head upstairs to the Arcade every Friday night for an expertly curated soundtrack of party favourites, timeless classics and dancefloor gems.
Expect everything from funk, soul and disco to hip-hop, house, R&B and feel-good anthems, all selected by our resident DJs to keep the energy high and the good times rolling into the early hours.
Whether you’re settling in for a few drinks, celebrating with friends or looking for somewhere to kick-start your weekend, the Arcade provides the perfect late-night atmosphere.
Free Entry | Every Friday and Saturday | DJs from 9pm – 2am
DJ's in the Main Bar Every Saturday Night
Every Saturday, The Thieves comes alive with an unbeatable soundtrack courtesy of our resident DJs in the Main Bar.
Expect a crowd-pleasing mix of party classics, disco, funk, soul, house, hip-hop, R&B and feel-good anthems, expertly selected to keep the dancefloor moving from the first drink to the last song.
Whether you’re celebrating, catching up with friends or simply looking for a great night out, our Saturday DJs bring the energy, atmosphere and weekend vibes that make The Thieves one of London’s favourite party destinations.
Free Entry | Every Saturday | DJs from 8pm – 2am
DJs in The Arcade Every Friday and Saturday
DJ’S IN THE ARCADE
Head upstairs to the Arcade every Friday night for an expertly curated soundtrack of party favourites, timeless classics and dancefloor gems.
Expect everything from funk, soul and disco to hip-hop, house, R&B and feel-good anthems, all selected by our resident DJs to keep the energy high and the good times rolling into the early hours.
Whether you’re settling in for a few drinks, celebrating with friends or looking for somewhere to kick-start your weekend, the Arcade provides the perfect late-night atmosphere.
Free Entry | Every Friday and Saturday | DJs from 9pm – 2am
The Great Comedy Heist
The best up and coming comedians every two weeks at The Thieves!
Buy Tickets here
Nathan Caton
Nathan Caton is an award-winning stand-up comedian known for his charming blend of personal, observational, and political comedy. Starting his career at 19 while studying architecture, he quickly established himself on the UK circuit and won the Chortle Student Comic of the Year award in 2005. He is a recognized name on television and radio, with prominent stand-up appearances on Live at the Apollo, Mock the Week, Russell Howard's Good News, and his own Comedy Central project, The Nathan Caton Show.
Tony LAw
Canadian stand-up Tony Law is a Chortle Award winner and Edinburgh Comedy Award nominee celebrated for his surreal, anarchic, and high-energy style. A staple of the UK comedy circuit, his TV credits include Have I Got News For You, Never Mind the Buzzcocks, 8 Out of 10 Cats, and The Alternative Comedy Experience.
Ross Smith
Ross Smith is a stand-up comedian and actor. His acting credits include appearances in the Apple TV+ series Slow Horses and Karl Pilkington's sitcom Sick of It. Ross is highly sought after MC, regularly hosting some of the top clubs in the country.
Pitch, Please! | Pitch Your Single Friend!
The world in 2026 is all about meeting IRL, not on dating apps!
Got a friend who’s single, stunning, and totally dateable? Time to sell them on stage at TheThieves with PITCH, PLEASE!
DISCLAIMER - YOU DON'T HAVE TO PITCH ANYONE TO ATTEND THIS EVENT
To apply to pitch, please fill out the form PITCH A FRIEND FORM!
Get involved and buy tickets here.
Welcome to Pitch a Single Friend – the wildly fun, slightly chaotic, and fun night where friendship meets matchmaking. It’s like Dragon’s Den, but for dating… and with cocktails.
Here’s the deal: brave (and maybe slightly mischievous) pals take the mic to pitch their fabulous friends to a room full of eligible singles. Each 3–5 minute power point pitch is a celebration of what makes their mate a total catch – with humour, heart, and just enough sass. Expect around 4-7 pitches throughout the night with plenty of time in between to drink, flirt, and discuss who’s a 10/10.
Because if you’re going to sell your mate…
Pitch, Please.
Presenters and the friend their pitching get half price entry, don't say we don't treat you x
💌 Not pitching? No worries. Come to watch, cheer, and maybe even meet your next crush in the crowd. It’s low-pressure, high-fun, and the perfect midweek buzz.
💌Not single but got a bestie to pitch? If you’re loved-up, cuffed, or simply not on the market but you do have a single friend you’re ready to hype up, you’re more than welcome!
🌟 50+ Singles, one venue. 25+
7:00 PM arrival = peak mingling hour
Live Comedy at The Thieves
Buy Tickets Here!
Jeff Innocent
British Comedian of the Year winner Jeff Innocent is a certified legend of the UK circuit who subverts every expectation the second he steps on stage. Famously described as having the body of a nightclub bouncer and the brains of a university boffin, his unique appeal lies in the sharp contrast between his East End geezer appearance and his highly educated, philosophical, and culturally sharp delivery.
Eleanor Tiernan
A master of the uniquely oblique worldview, Eleanor Tiernan delivers deceptively sharp, acerbic wit with a trademark deadpan charm. She avoids cheap gimmicks or topical trash-talk, relying instead on astute, whimsical observations grounded in honest, highly original storytelling. Eleanor has been featured on Comedy Central’s The Alternative Comedy Experience, BBC Radio 4's The News Quiz, and BBC NI's The Blame Game, and she is a highly sought-after tour support act for the likes of Stewart Lee and Jason Manford.
Justin Panks
Often called the comedian’s comedian, Justin Panks brings an unapologetically fearless, high-energy punk-rock ethos to the stage. He delivers unexpected punchlines and meticulously crafted jokes disguised as raw, revealing anecdotes, making him a highly versatile performer who adapts effortlessly to rowdy weekend clubs, intimate rooms, or large theatres. He is a seasoned regular for major UK promoters like Avalon and Off The Kerb, with extensive international gigging experience spanning New York, Europe, and the Middle East.
Doors at 7pm, show starts at 8pm.
World Cup Semi Final - England Vs. Argentina
England are just one win away from the World Cup Final!
Join us at The Thieves as the Three Lions take on Argentina in a huge semi-final showdown, shown live on our big screens throughout the pub.
It’s a heavyweight clash packed with history, world-class talent and everything on the line. Expect high-stakes drama and an electric atmosphere from kick-off to the final whistle.
Grab a drink, find your spot and cheer on England live at The Thieves!
World Cup Semi Final - France vs Spain
France and Spain go head-to-head in a huge World Cup semi-final, with just one win standing between them and a place in the final!
Join us at The Thieves as two of Europe’s biggest footballing nations battle it out, shown live on our big screens throughout the pub.
Expect world-class talent, high-stakes drama and an electric atmosphere from kick-off to the final whistle.
Grab a drink, settle in and catch every moment live at The Thieves!
England Vs. Norway - World Cup Quarter Final
Watch England vs Norway live at The Thieves! Book a table here
England are into the Quarter Finals, and the World Cup dream is getting very real.
Join us as the Three Lions take on Norway in a huge knockout clash, with a place in the Semi Finals up for grabs. Expect big tackles, bigger chances and absolutely no calm, sensible reactions from anyone in the room.
We’ll be showing every minute live on the big screens, with cold pints, great food and a proper match-day atmosphere from kick-off to the final whistle.
Come early, grab your spot and settle in for a massive night of tournament football.
Kick-off: 10pm Book a table here
France Vs. Morocco - World Cup Quarter Final
Watch France vs Morocco live at The Thieves!
The quarter-finals are heating up as France take on Morocco for a place in the World Cup semi-finals.
France bring the pedigree, Morocco bring the passion, and with everything on the line, this has all the makings of a proper knockout night.
Join us at The Thieves for every minute live on the big screens, with cold drinks, great food and a buzzing matchday atmosphere.
Kick-off: 9:00pm, Thursday 9th July.
Portugal Vs. Spain - World Cup Last 16
Watch Portugal vs Spain live at The Thieves!
Two neighbours. Two footballing giants. One seriously tasty knockout clash.
Portugal and Spain go head-to-head in a huge World Cup Round of 16 tie, with a place in the Quarter Finals up for grabs. Expect slick passing, big names, tense moments and probably a few “how has he missed that?” reactions along the way.
We’ll be showing every minute live on the big screens, with cold pints, great food and a proper match-day atmosphere from kick-off to the final whistle.
Come early, grab your spot and settle in for one of the standout games of the tournament.
Kick-off: 8pm
World Cup 2026 - England vs. Congo DR
Watch England vs Congo DR live at The Thieves on the big screens.
England’s World Cup journey continues as they face Congo in a must-win knockout tie. Cheer on the Three Lions with fellow fans and soak up the atmosphere as we show every minute live on our giant HD screens.
Grab a pint, enjoy great food and experience all the excitement as England look to take another step towards World Cup glory.
Book a free table for you and your friends here!
World Cup 2026 - England vs. Panama
Watch England Vs. Panama live at The Thieves on the big screens!
Join us for England’s final World Cup group game as we show every minute live on our giant screens.
Expect a buzzing atmosphere, great food, cold drinks and all the drama as England look to secure their place in the knockout stages.
DJ's in the Main Bar Every Saturday Night
Every Saturday, The Thieves comes alive with an unbeatable soundtrack courtesy of our resident DJs in the Main Bar.
Expect a crowd-pleasing mix of party classics, disco, funk, soul, house, hip-hop, R&B and feel-good anthems, expertly selected to keep the dancefloor moving from the first drink to the last song.
Whether you’re celebrating, catching up with friends or simply looking for a great night out, our Saturday DJs bring the energy, atmosphere and weekend vibes that make The Thieves one of London’s favourite party destinations.
Free Entry | Every Saturday | DJs from 8pm – 2am
DJs in The Arcade Every Friday and Saturday
DJ’S IN THE ARCADE
Head upstairs to the Arcade every Friday night for an expertly curated soundtrack of party favourites, timeless classics and dancefloor gems.
Expect everything from funk, soul and disco to hip-hop, house, R&B and feel-good anthems, all selected by our resident DJs to keep the energy high and the good times rolling into the early hours.
Whether you’re settling in for a few drinks, celebrating with friends or looking for somewhere to kick-start your weekend, the Arcade provides the perfect late-night atmosphere.
Free Entry | Every Friday and Saturday | DJs from 9pm – 2am
Live Music Every Friday!
Kick off your weekend with some of the best live music London has to offer, completely free of charge with brand new live acts announced every week!
Every Friday, The Thieves hosts a rotating line-up of exceptional musicians, bands and performers spanning soul, funk, indie, blues, pop, acoustic favourites and everything in between. Whether you’re discovering a new favourite artist or catching a seasoned performer up close, every show brings something different.
Grab a drink, settle in with friends and enjoy an evening of outstanding live music in the heart of the city. No tickets, no fuss – just great artists, great atmosphere and free entry all night.
Free Entry | Every Friday | Live Music from 9pm til 1am
Live Music with Jeremy Peter Allen and Ross McGuire
Kick off your weekend with some of the best live music London has to offer, completely free of charge. Whether you're out for after-work drinks, date night, or a big night with friends, The Thieves is the place to be.
This Friday from 9PM we welcome the incredible Jeremy Peter Allen and Ross McGuire live music, great vibes, and unforgettable tunes.
🍹 Cocktails flowing
🎵 Live music from 9PM
🎮 Arcade games in The Arcade
🍔 Amazing food
🍺 Great drinks
AND ALL THE WORLD CUP ACTION
Every Friday, The Thieves hosts a rotating line-up of exceptional musicians, bands and performers spanning soul, funk, indie, blues, pop, acoustic favourites and everything in between. Whether you’re discovering a new favourite artist or catching a seasoned performer up close, every show brings something different.
Grab a drink, settle in with friends and enjoy an evening of outstanding live music in the heart of the city. No tickets, no fuss – just great artists, great atmosphere and free entry all night.
Free Entry | Every Friday | Live Music from 9pm til 1am
Battersea Social CLub
Battersea Social Club
Every Friday at The Thieves
The ultimate Friday night social.
🎤 Live Music
🍸 Signature Cocktails
🕹️ Arcade Games
🎧 Live DJ in the Arcade Room
🎶 Sing-Along Anthems
💃 Dancing Until Late
From after-work drinks to late-night dancing, Battersea Social Club brings together live entertainment, great cocktails, classic arcade games and a packed dance floor every Friday.