here to steal your night away.
WHAT’S HAPPENING AT THE THIEVES
Full Tilt Entertainment: Never Miss a Moment
From pulsating gigs and dazzling cabaret to side-splitting comedy and high-energy club nights, there’s always something to get into.
You'll find DJs spinning Funk, Soul, Disco, Disco House, Indie, Alt, and Classics. The energy will never drop.
For the culturally curious, keep an eye out for our most unique events, like the Neon Naked Strip Karaoke or a spontaneous live set.
Every day, something's happening. Get ready to live the night at full tilt.
Live Band Karaoke Every Thursday
🎤 LIVE BAND KARAOKE AT THE THIEVES! 🎸
Ever dreamed of being the lead singer of a band? Now is your chance!
Forget ordinary karaoke… take centre stage and perform your favourite songs backed by a full live band! Whether you’re a seasoned performer or just fancy giving it a go, grab the mic and unleash your inner rockstar.
🎶 Want to sing? Simply sign up in person at The Thieves before the event to secure your spot.
Join us every Thursday from 9pm for a night of live music, big singalongs and unforgettable performances at The Thieves, Battersea!
We recommend getting there early for sign up to avoid disappointment!
Free entry and free sign up!
Live Music Every Friday!
Kick off your weekend with some of the best live music London has to offer, completely free of charge with brand new live acts announced every week!
Every Friday, The Thieves hosts a rotating line-up of exceptional musicians, bands and performers spanning soul, funk, indie, blues, pop, acoustic favourites and everything in between. Whether you’re discovering a new favourite artist or catching a seasoned performer up close, every show brings something different.
Grab a drink, settle in with friends and enjoy an evening of outstanding live music in the heart of the city. No tickets, no fuss – just great artists, great atmosphere and free entry all night.
Free Entry | Every Friday | Live Music from 9pm til 1am
DJs in The Arcade Every Friday and Saturday
DJ’S IN THE ARCADE
Head upstairs to the Arcade every Friday night for an expertly curated soundtrack of party favourites, timeless classics and dancefloor gems.
Expect everything from funk, soul and disco to hip-hop, house, R&B and feel-good anthems, all selected by our resident DJs to keep the energy high and the good times rolling into the early hours.
Whether you’re settling in for a few drinks, celebrating with friends or looking for somewhere to kick-start your weekend, the Arcade provides the perfect late-night atmosphere.
Free Entry | Every Friday and Saturday | DJs from 9pm – 2am
Halloween!
Halloween is taking over!
We’re going late this Halloween with DJs spinning into the early hours, drinks flowing and plenty of reasons not to head home.
When you need a break from the dancefloor, venture to the top-floor arcade if you dare. Challenge your mates to retro classics, get competitive on the games, or settle the score on our RC Raceway.
Come dressed up. Come ready to party. Just don’t expect an early night.
Halloween Live Band Party
We welcome The Alderman to The Thieves for an energetic night of live music and Halloween dress up and debauchery!
Free entry - music from 8pm
Open Mic Comedy Every Other Tuesday: Hosted by Comedy Now London
Whether you’re an up and coming comedian eager to get on the mic or a lover of the art form and keen for a laugh - come and enjoy free entry Comedy at Thieves!
Get in touch with Comedy Now via their Instagram here to get involved in the Open Mic!
Free Entry, 8pm til 11pm
Live Band Karaoke Every Thursday
🎤 LIVE BAND KARAOKE AT THE THIEVES! 🎸
Ever dreamed of being the lead singer of a band? Now is your chance!
Forget ordinary karaoke… take centre stage and perform your favourite songs backed by a full live band! Whether you’re a seasoned performer or just fancy giving it a go, grab the mic and unleash your inner rockstar.
Want to sing? Simply sign up in person at The Thieves before the event to secure your spot 🎶
Join us every Thursday from 9pm for a night of live music, big singalongs and unforgettable performances at The Thieves, Battersea!
We recommend getting there early for sign up to avoid disappointment!
Free entry and free sign up!
Live Music Every Friday!
Kick off your weekend with some of the best live music London has to offer, completely free of charge with brand new live acts announced every week!
Every Friday, The Thieves hosts a rotating line-up of exceptional musicians, bands and performers spanning soul, funk, indie, blues, pop, acoustic favourites and everything in between. Whether you’re discovering a new favourite artist or catching a seasoned performer up close, every show brings something different.
Grab a drink, settle in with friends and enjoy an evening of outstanding live music in the heart of the city. No tickets, no fuss – just great artists, great atmosphere and free entry all night.
Free Entry | Every Friday | Live Music from 9pm til 1am
DJs in The Arcade Every Friday and Saturday
DJ’S IN THE ARCADE
Head upstairs to the Arcade every Friday night for an expertly curated soundtrack of party favourites, timeless classics and dancefloor gems.
Expect everything from funk, soul and disco to hip-hop, house, R&B and feel-good anthems, all selected by our resident DJs to keep the energy high and the good times rolling into the early hours.
Whether you’re settling in for a few drinks, celebrating with friends or looking for somewhere to kick-start your weekend, the Arcade provides the perfect late-night atmosphere.
Free Entry | Every Friday and Saturday | DJs from 9pm – 2am
Live Band saturday night: John Bergin
Every Saturday, The Thieves comes alive with a phenomenal live band!
This week, it’s John Bergin, a masterful guitar player and energetic performer.
Free Entry | Every Saturday | Live Bands from 9pm – 2am
Open Mic Music Every Other Tuesday
The best up and coming singers and musicians join us for a night of free live music!
If you’re interested in getting involved and taking the mic, get in touch with The Good Gig Company via their Instagram here.
Great cocktails, tasty beers and delicious food alongside free live music!
Music from 8pm til 11pm.
Live Band Karaoke Every Thursday
🎤 LIVE BAND KARAOKE AT THE THIEVES! 🎸
Ever dreamed of being the lead singer of a band? Now is your chance!
Forget ordinary karaoke… take centre stage and perform your favourite songs backed by a full live band! Whether you’re a seasoned performer or just fancy giving it a go, grab the mic and unleash your inner rockstar.
Want to sing? Simply sign up in person at The Thieves before the event to secure your spot 🎶
Join us every Thursday from 9pm for a night of live music, big singalongs and unforgettable performances at The Thieves, Battersea!
We recommend getting there early for sign up to avoid disappointment!
Free entry and free sign up!
Live Music Every Friday!
Kick off your weekend with some of the best live music London has to offer, completely free of charge with brand new live acts announced every week!
Every Friday, The Thieves hosts a rotating line-up of exceptional musicians, bands and performers spanning soul, funk, indie, blues, pop, acoustic favourites and everything in between. Whether you’re discovering a new favourite artist or catching a seasoned performer up close, every show brings something different.
Grab a drink, settle in with friends and enjoy an evening of outstanding live music in the heart of the city. No tickets, no fuss – just great artists, great atmosphere and free entry all night.
Free Entry | Every Friday | Live Music from 9pm til 1am
DJs in The Arcade Every Friday and Saturday
DJ’S IN THE ARCADE
Head upstairs to the Arcade every Friday night for an expertly curated soundtrack of party favourites, timeless classics and dancefloor gems.
Expect everything from funk, soul and disco to hip-hop, house, R&B and feel-good anthems, all selected by our resident DJs to keep the energy high and the good times rolling into the early hours.
Whether you’re settling in for a few drinks, celebrating with friends or looking for somewhere to kick-start your weekend, the Arcade provides the perfect late-night atmosphere.
Free Entry | Every Friday and Saturday | DJs from 9pm – 2am
Live Band saturday night: John Bergin (Copy)
Every Saturday, The Thieves comes alive with a phenomenal live band!
This week, it’s John Bergin, a masterful guitar player and energetic performer.
Free Entry | Every Saturday | Live Bands from 9pm – 2am
Open Mic Comedy Every Other Tuesday: Hosted by Comedy Now London
Whether you’re an up and coming comedian eager to get on the mic or a lover of the art form and keen for a laugh - come and enjoy free entry Comedy at Thieves!
Get in touch with Comedy Now via their Instagram here to get involved in the Open Mic!
Free Entry, 8pm til 11pm
Live Band Karaoke Every Thursday
🎤 LIVE BAND KARAOKE AT THE THIEVES! 🎸
Ever dreamed of being the lead singer of a band? Now is your chance!
Forget ordinary karaoke… take centre stage and perform your favourite songs backed by a full live band! Whether you’re a seasoned performer or just fancy giving it a go, grab the mic and unleash your inner rockstar.
Want to sing? Simply sign up in person at The Thieves before the event to secure your spot 🎶
Join us every Thursday from 9pm for a night of live music, big singalongs and unforgettable performances at The Thieves, Battersea!
We recommend getting there early for sign up to avoid disappointment!
Free entry and free sign up!
Live Music Every Friday!
Kick off your weekend with some of the best live music London has to offer, completely free of charge with brand new live acts announced every week!
Every Friday, The Thieves hosts a rotating line-up of exceptional musicians, bands and performers spanning soul, funk, indie, blues, pop, acoustic favourites and everything in between. Whether you’re discovering a new favourite artist or catching a seasoned performer up close, every show brings something different.
Grab a drink, settle in with friends and enjoy an evening of outstanding live music in the heart of the city. No tickets, no fuss – just great artists, great atmosphere and free entry all night.
Free Entry | Every Friday | Live Music from 9pm til 1am
DJs in The Arcade Every Friday and Saturday
DJ’S IN THE ARCADE
Head upstairs to the Arcade every Friday night for an expertly curated soundtrack of party favourites, timeless classics and dancefloor gems.
Expect everything from funk, soul and disco to hip-hop, house, R&B and feel-good anthems, all selected by our resident DJs to keep the energy high and the good times rolling into the early hours.
Whether you’re settling in for a few drinks, celebrating with friends or looking for somewhere to kick-start your weekend, the Arcade provides the perfect late-night atmosphere.
Free Entry | Every Friday and Saturday | DJs from 9pm – 2am
DJs in the Main Bar Every Saturday Night
Every Saturday, The Thieves comes alive with an unbeatable soundtrack courtesy of our resident DJs in the Main Bar.
Expect a crowd-pleasing mix of party classics, disco, funk, soul, house, hip-hop, R&B and feel-good anthems, expertly selected to keep the dancefloor moving from the first drink to the last song.
Whether you’re celebrating, catching up with friends or simply looking for a great night out, our Saturday DJs bring the energy, atmosphere and weekend vibes that make The Thieves one of London’s favourite party destinations.
Free Entry | Every Saturday | DJs from 8pm – 2am
Open Mic Music Every Other Tuesday
The best up and coming singers and musicians join us for a night of free live music!
If you’re interested in getting involved and taking the mic, get in touch with The Good Gig Company via their Instagram here.
Great cocktails, tasty beers and delicious food alongside free live music!
Music from 8pm til 11pm.
Pitch, Please! | Pitch Your Single Friend!
The world in 2026 is all about meeting IRL, not on dating apps!
Got a friend who’s single, stunning, and totally dateable? Time to sell them on stage at TheThieves with PITCH, PLEASE!
DISCLAIMER - YOU DON'T HAVE TO PITCH ANYONE TO ATTEND THIS EVENT
To apply to pitch, please fill out the form PITCH A FRIEND FORM!
Get involved and buy tickets here.
Welcome to Pitch a Single Friend – the wildly fun, slightly chaotic, and fun night where friendship meets matchmaking. It’s like Dragon’s Den, but for dating… and with cocktails.
Here’s the deal: brave (and maybe slightly mischievous) pals take the mic to pitch their fabulous friends to a room full of eligible singles. Each 3–5 minute power point pitch is a celebration of what makes their mate a total catch – with humour, heart, and just enough sass. Expect around 4-7 pitches throughout the night with plenty of time in between to drink, flirt, and discuss who’s a 10/10.
Because if you’re going to sell your mate…
Pitch, Please.
Presenters and the friend their pitching get half price entry, don't say we don't treat you x
💌 Not pitching? No worries. Come to watch, cheer, and maybe even meet your next crush in the crowd. It’s low-pressure, high-fun, and the perfect midweek buzz.
💌Not single but got a bestie to pitch? If you’re loved-up, cuffed, or simply not on the market but you do have a single friend you’re ready to hype up, you’re more than welcome!
🌟 50+ Singles, one venue. 25+
7:00 PM arrival = peak mingling hour
Live Band Karaoke Every Thursday
🎤 LIVE BAND KARAOKE AT THE THIEVES! 🎸
Ever dreamed of being the lead singer of a band? Now is your chance!
Forget ordinary karaoke… take centre stage and perform your favourite songs backed by a full live band! Whether you’re a seasoned performer or just fancy giving it a go, grab the mic and unleash your inner rockstar.
Want to sing? Simply sign up in person at The Thieves before the event to secure your spot 🎶
Join us every Thursday from 9pm for a night of live music, big singalongs and unforgettable performances at The Thieves, Battersea!
We recommend getting there early for sign up to avoid disappointment!
Free entry and free sign up!
Live Music Every Friday!
Kick off your weekend with some of the best live music London has to offer, completely free of charge with brand new live acts announced every week!
Every Friday, The Thieves hosts a rotating line-up of exceptional musicians, bands and performers spanning soul, funk, indie, blues, pop, acoustic favourites and everything in between. Whether you’re discovering a new favourite artist or catching a seasoned performer up close, every show brings something different.
Grab a drink, settle in with friends and enjoy an evening of outstanding live music in the heart of the city. No tickets, no fuss – just great artists, great atmosphere and free entry all night.
Free Entry | Every Friday | Live Music from 9pm til 1am
DJs in The Arcade Every Friday and Saturday
DJ’S IN THE ARCADE
Head upstairs to the Arcade every Friday night for an expertly curated soundtrack of party favourites, timeless classics and dancefloor gems.
Expect everything from funk, soul and disco to hip-hop, house, R&B and feel-good anthems, all selected by our resident DJs to keep the energy high and the good times rolling into the early hours.
Whether you’re settling in for a few drinks, celebrating with friends or looking for somewhere to kick-start your weekend, the Arcade provides the perfect late-night atmosphere.
Free Entry | Every Friday and Saturday | DJs from 9pm – 2am
DJs in the Main Bar Every Saturday Night
Every Saturday, The Thieves comes alive with an unbeatable soundtrack courtesy of our resident DJs in the Main Bar.
Expect a crowd-pleasing mix of party classics, disco, funk, soul, house, hip-hop, R&B and feel-good anthems, expertly selected to keep the dancefloor moving from the first drink to the last song.
Whether you’re celebrating, catching up with friends or simply looking for a great night out, our Saturday DJs bring the energy, atmosphere and weekend vibes that make The Thieves one of London’s favourite party destinations.
Free Entry | Every Saturday | DJs from 8pm – 2am
Open Mic Comedy Every Other Tuesday: Hosted by Comedy Now London
Whether you’re an up and coming comedian eager to get on the mic or a lover of the art form and keen for a laugh - come and enjoy free entry Comedy at Thieves!
Get in touch with Comedy Now via their Instagram here to get involved in the Open Mic!
Free Entry, 8pm til 11pm
Live Band Karaoke Every Thursday
🎤 LIVE BAND KARAOKE AT THE THIEVES! 🎸
Ever dreamed of being the lead singer of a band? Now is your chance!
Forget ordinary karaoke… take centre stage and perform your favourite songs backed by a full live band! Whether you’re a seasoned performer or just fancy giving it a go, grab the mic and unleash your inner rockstar.
Want to sing? Simply sign up in person at The Thieves before the event to secure your spot 🎶
Join us every Thursday from 9pm for a night of live music, big singalongs and unforgettable performances at The Thieves, Battersea!
We recommend getting there early for sign up to avoid disappointment!
Free entry and free sign up!
Live Music Every Friday!
Kick off your weekend with some of the best live music London has to offer, completely free of charge with brand new live acts announced every week!
Every Friday, The Thieves hosts a rotating line-up of exceptional musicians, bands and performers spanning soul, funk, indie, blues, pop, acoustic favourites and everything in between. Whether you’re discovering a new favourite artist or catching a seasoned performer up close, every show brings something different.
Grab a drink, settle in with friends and enjoy an evening of outstanding live music in the heart of the city. No tickets, no fuss – just great artists, great atmosphere and free entry all night.
Free Entry | Every Friday | Live Music from 9pm til 1am
DJs in The Arcade Every Friday and Saturday
DJ’S IN THE ARCADE
Head upstairs to the Arcade every Friday night for an expertly curated soundtrack of party favourites, timeless classics and dancefloor gems.
Expect everything from funk, soul and disco to hip-hop, house, R&B and feel-good anthems, all selected by our resident DJs to keep the energy high and the good times rolling into the early hours.
Whether you’re settling in for a few drinks, celebrating with friends or looking for somewhere to kick-start your weekend, the Arcade provides the perfect late-night atmosphere.
Free Entry | Every Friday and Saturday | DJs from 9pm – 2am
DJs in the Main Bar Every Saturday Night
Every Saturday, The Thieves comes alive with an unbeatable soundtrack courtesy of our resident DJs in the Main Bar.
Expect a crowd-pleasing mix of party classics, disco, funk, soul, house, hip-hop, R&B and feel-good anthems, expertly selected to keep the dancefloor moving from the first drink to the last song.
Whether you’re celebrating, catching up with friends or simply looking for a great night out, our Saturday DJs bring the energy, atmosphere and weekend vibes that make The Thieves one of London’s favourite party destinations.
Free Entry | Every Saturday | DJs from 8pm – 2am
Open Mic Music Every Other Tuesday
The best up and coming singers and musicians join us for a night of free live music!
If you’re interested in getting involved and taking the mic, get in touch with The Good Gig Company via their Instagram here.
Great cocktails, tasty beers and delicious food alongside free live music!
Music from 8pm til 11pm.
Live Band Karaoke Every Thursday
🎤 LIVE BAND KARAOKE AT THE THIEVES! 🎸
Ever dreamed of being the lead singer of a band? Now is your chance!
Forget ordinary karaoke… take centre stage and perform your favourite songs backed by a full live band! Whether you’re a seasoned performer or just fancy giving it a go, grab the mic and unleash your inner rockstar.
Want to sing? Simply sign up in person at The Thieves before the event to secure your spot 🎶
Join us every Thursday from 9pm for a night of live music, big singalongs and unforgettable performances at The Thieves, Battersea!
We recommend getting there early for sign up to avoid disappointment!
Free entry and free sign up!
Live Music Every Friday!
Kick off your weekend with some of the best live music London has to offer, completely free of charge with brand new live acts announced every week!
Every Friday, The Thieves hosts a rotating line-up of exceptional musicians, bands and performers spanning soul, funk, indie, blues, pop, acoustic favourites and everything in between. Whether you’re discovering a new favourite artist or catching a seasoned performer up close, every show brings something different.
Grab a drink, settle in with friends and enjoy an evening of outstanding live music in the heart of the city. No tickets, no fuss – just great artists, great atmosphere and free entry all night.
Free Entry | Every Friday | Live Music from 9pm til 1am
DJs in The Arcade Every Friday and Saturday
DJ’S IN THE ARCADE
Head upstairs to the Arcade every Friday night for an expertly curated soundtrack of party favourites, timeless classics and dancefloor gems.
Expect everything from funk, soul and disco to hip-hop, house, R&B and feel-good anthems, all selected by our resident DJs to keep the energy high and the good times rolling into the early hours.
Whether you’re settling in for a few drinks, celebrating with friends or looking for somewhere to kick-start your weekend, the Arcade provides the perfect late-night atmosphere.
Free Entry | Every Friday and Saturday | DJs from 9pm – 2am
DJs in the Main Bar Every Saturday Night
Every Saturday, The Thieves comes alive with an unbeatable soundtrack courtesy of our resident DJs in the Main Bar.
Expect a crowd-pleasing mix of party classics, disco, funk, soul, house, hip-hop, R&B and feel-good anthems, expertly selected to keep the dancefloor moving from the first drink to the last song.
Whether you’re celebrating, catching up with friends or simply looking for a great night out, our Saturday DJs bring the energy, atmosphere and weekend vibes that make The Thieves one of London’s favourite party destinations.
Free Entry | Every Saturday | DJs from 8pm – 2am
Open Mic Comedy Every Other Tuesday: Hosted by Comedy Now London
Whether you’re an up and coming comedian eager to get on the mic or a lover of the art form and keen for a laugh - come and enjoy free entry Comedy at Thieves!
Get in touch with Comedy Now via their Instagram here to get involved in the Open Mic!
Free Entry, 8pm til 11pm
Live Band Karaoke Every Thursday
🎤 LIVE BAND KARAOKE AT THE THIEVES! 🎸
Ever dreamed of being the lead singer of a band? Now is your chance!
Forget ordinary karaoke… take centre stage and perform your favourite songs backed by a full live band! Whether you’re a seasoned performer or just fancy giving it a go, grab the mic and unleash your inner rockstar.
Want to sing? Simply sign up in person at The Thieves before the event to secure your spot 🎶
Join us every Thursday from 9pm for a night of live music, big singalongs and unforgettable performances at The Thieves, Battersea!
We recommend getting there early for sign up to avoid disappointment!
Free entry and free sign up!
Live Music Every Friday!
Kick off your weekend with some of the best live music London has to offer, completely free of charge with brand new live acts announced every week!
Every Friday, The Thieves hosts a rotating line-up of exceptional musicians, bands and performers spanning soul, funk, indie, blues, pop, acoustic favourites and everything in between. Whether you’re discovering a new favourite artist or catching a seasoned performer up close, every show brings something different.
Grab a drink, settle in with friends and enjoy an evening of outstanding live music in the heart of the city. No tickets, no fuss – just great artists, great atmosphere and free entry all night.
Free Entry | Every Friday | Live Music from 9pm til 1am
DJs in The Arcade Every Friday and Saturday
DJ’S IN THE ARCADE
Head upstairs to the Arcade every Friday night for an expertly curated soundtrack of party favourites, timeless classics and dancefloor gems.
Expect everything from funk, soul and disco to hip-hop, house, R&B and feel-good anthems, all selected by our resident DJs to keep the energy high and the good times rolling into the early hours.
Whether you’re settling in for a few drinks, celebrating with friends or looking for somewhere to kick-start your weekend, the Arcade provides the perfect late-night atmosphere.
Free Entry | Every Friday and Saturday | DJs from 9pm – 2am
DJs in the Main Bar Every Saturday Night
Every Saturday, The Thieves comes alive with an unbeatable soundtrack courtesy of our resident DJs in the Main Bar.
Expect a crowd-pleasing mix of party classics, disco, funk, soul, house, hip-hop, R&B and feel-good anthems, expertly selected to keep the dancefloor moving from the first drink to the last song.
Whether you’re celebrating, catching up with friends or simply looking for a great night out, our Saturday DJs bring the energy, atmosphere and weekend vibes that make The Thieves one of London’s favourite party destinations.
Free Entry | Every Saturday | DJs from 8pm – 2am
Open Mic Music Every Other Tuesday
The best up and coming singers and musicians join us for a night of free live music!
If you’re interested in getting involved and taking the mic, get in touch with The Good Gig Company via their Instagram here.
Great cocktails, tasty beers and delicious food alongside free live music!
Music from 8pm til 11pm.
Live Band Karaoke Every Thursday
🎤 LIVE BAND KARAOKE AT THE THIEVES! 🎸
Ever dreamed of being the lead singer of a band? Now is your chance!
Forget ordinary karaoke… take centre stage and perform your favourite songs backed by a full live band! Whether you’re a seasoned performer or just fancy giving it a go, grab the mic and unleash your inner rockstar.
Want to sing? Simply sign up in person at The Thieves before the event to secure your spot 🎶
Join us every Thursday from 9pm for a night of live music, big singalongs and unforgettable performances at The Thieves, Battersea!
We recommend getting there early for sign up to avoid disappointment!
Free entry and free sign up!
DJs in the Main Bar Every Saturday Night
Every Saturday, The Thieves comes alive with an unbeatable soundtrack courtesy of our resident DJs in the Main Bar.
Expect a crowd-pleasing mix of party classics, disco, funk, soul, house, hip-hop, R&B and feel-good anthems, expertly selected to keep the dancefloor moving from the first drink to the last song.
Whether you’re celebrating, catching up with friends or simply looking for a great night out, our Saturday DJs bring the energy, atmosphere and weekend vibes that make The Thieves one of London’s favourite party destinations.
Free Entry | Every Saturday | DJs from 8pm – 2am
Open Mic Comedy Every Other Tuesday: Hosted by Comedy Now London
Whether you’re an up and coming comedian eager to get on the mic or a lover of the art form and keen for a laugh - come and enjoy free entry Comedy at Thieves!
Get in touch with Comedy Now via their Instagram here to get involved in the Open Mic!
Free Entry, 8pm til 11pm
The Great Comedy Heist: Live Comedy
Join us at Thieves for a night of phenomenal comedy!
Featuring:
Dominic Holland
A veteran of the UK circuit and a Perrier Best Newcomer winner, Dominic Holland is renowned for his sharp, polished observational comedy. With extensive TV credits including Have I Got News for You, The Royal Variety Performance, and Never Mind the Buzzcocks, he has written several novels and successfully toured worldwide.
Ria Lina
A unique force on the comedy circuit, Dr. Ria Lina combines a PhD in Virology with a lethal musical talent and razor-sharp satire. Known for her fearless, analytical take on politics, culture, and social norms, she is a familiar face from Have I Got News for You, Mock the Week, Live at the Apollo, and The News Quiz.
Harry Pettitt
A rising star on the UK circuit, Harry Pettitt brings an energetic, relatable, and audience-pleasing style to the stage. A former finalist in Edinburgh’s prestigious So You Think You’re Funny? competition, this Essex-based comic pairs quick-witted storytelling with effortless charm.
Doors 7pm - Show 8pm.
Open Mic Music Every Other Tuesday
The best up and coming singers and musicians join us for a night of free live music!
If you’re interested in getting involved and taking the mic, get in touch with The Good Gig Company via their Instagram here.
Great cocktails, tasty beers and delicious food alongside free live music!
Music from 8pm til 11pm.
DJs in the Main Bar Every Saturday Night
Every Saturday, The Thieves comes alive with an unbeatable soundtrack courtesy of our resident DJs in the Main Bar.
Expect a crowd-pleasing mix of party classics, disco, funk, soul, house, hip-hop, R&B and feel-good anthems, expertly selected to keep the dancefloor moving from the first drink to the last song.
Whether you’re celebrating, catching up with friends or simply looking for a great night out, our Saturday DJs bring the energy, atmosphere and weekend vibes that make The Thieves one of London’s favourite party destinations.
Free Entry | Every Saturday | DJs from 8pm – 2am
DJs in The Arcade Every Friday and Saturday
DJ’S IN THE ARCADE
Head upstairs to the Arcade every Friday night for an expertly curated soundtrack of party favourites, timeless classics and dancefloor gems.
Expect everything from funk, soul and disco to hip-hop, house, R&B and feel-good anthems, all selected by our resident DJs to keep the energy high and the good times rolling into the early hours.
Whether you’re settling in for a few drinks, celebrating with friends or looking for somewhere to kick-start your weekend, the Arcade provides the perfect late-night atmosphere.
Free Entry | Every Friday and Saturday | DJs from 9pm – 2am
Live Music Every Friday!
Kick off your weekend with some of the best live music London has to offer, completely free of charge with brand new live acts announced every week!
Every Friday, The Thieves hosts a rotating line-up of exceptional musicians, bands and performers spanning soul, funk, indie, blues, pop, acoustic favourites and everything in between. Whether you’re discovering a new favourite artist or catching a seasoned performer up close, every show brings something different.
Grab a drink, settle in with friends and enjoy an evening of outstanding live music in the heart of the city. No tickets, no fuss – just great artists, great atmosphere and free entry all night.
Free Entry | Every Friday | Live Music from 9pm til 1am
Live Band Karaoke Every Thursday
🎤 LIVE BAND KARAOKE AT THE THIEVES! 🎸
Ever dreamed of being the lead singer of a band? Now is your chance!
Forget ordinary karaoke… take centre stage and perform your favourite songs backed by a full live band! Whether you’re a seasoned performer or just fancy giving it a go, grab the mic and unleash your inner rockstar.
🎶 Want to sing? Simply sign up in person at The Thieves before the event to secure your spot.
Join us every Thursday from 9pm for a night of live music, big singalongs and unforgettable performances at The Thieves, Battersea!
We recommend getting there early for sign up to avoid disappointment!
Free entry and free sign up!
Open Mic Comedy Every Other Tuesday: Hosted by Comedy Now London
Whether you’re an up and coming comedian eager to get on the mic or a lover of the art form and keen for a laugh - come and enjoy free entry Comedy at Thieves!
Get in touch with Comedy Now via their Instagram here to get involved in the Open Mic!
Free Entry, 8pm til 11pm
DJs in the Main Bar Every Saturday Night
Every Saturday, The Thieves comes alive with an unbeatable soundtrack courtesy of our resident DJs in the Main Bar.
Expect a crowd-pleasing mix of party classics, disco, funk, soul, house, hip-hop, R&B and feel-good anthems, expertly selected to keep the dancefloor moving from the first drink to the last song.
Whether you’re celebrating, catching up with friends or simply looking for a great night out, our Saturday DJs bring the energy, atmosphere and weekend vibes that make The Thieves one of London’s favourite party destinations.
Free Entry | Every Saturday | DJs from 8pm – 2am
DJs in The Arcade Every Friday and Saturday
DJ’S IN THE ARCADE
Head upstairs to the Arcade every Friday night for an expertly curated soundtrack of party favourites, timeless classics and dancefloor gems.
Expect everything from funk, soul and disco to hip-hop, house, R&B and feel-good anthems, all selected by our resident DJs to keep the energy high and the good times rolling into the early hours.
Whether you’re settling in for a few drinks, celebrating with friends or looking for somewhere to kick-start your weekend, the Arcade provides the perfect late-night atmosphere.
Free Entry | Every Friday and Saturday | DJs from 9pm – 2am
Live Music Every Friday!
Kick off your weekend with some of the best live music London has to offer, completely free of charge with brand new live acts announced every week!
Every Friday, The Thieves hosts a rotating line-up of exceptional musicians, bands and performers spanning soul, funk, indie, blues, pop, acoustic favourites and everything in between. Whether you’re discovering a new favourite artist or catching a seasoned performer up close, every show brings something different.
Grab a drink, settle in with friends and enjoy an evening of outstanding live music in the heart of the city. No tickets, no fuss – just great artists, great atmosphere and free entry all night.
Free Entry | Every Friday | Live Music from 9pm til 1am
Live Band Karaoke Every Thursday
🎤 LIVE BAND KARAOKE AT THE THIEVES! 🎸
Ever dreamed of being the lead singer of a band? Now is your chance!
Forget ordinary karaoke… take centre stage and perform your favourite songs backed by a full live band! Whether you’re a seasoned performer or just fancy giving it a go, grab the mic and unleash your inner rockstar.
🎶 Want to sing? Simply sign up in person at The Thieves before the event to secure your spot.
Join us every Thursday from 9pm for a night of live music, big singalongs and unforgettable performances at The Thieves, Battersea!
We recommend getting there early for sign up to avoid disappointment!
Free entry and free sign up!
Open Mic Music Every Other Tuesday
The best up and coming singers and musicians join us for a night of free live music!
If you’re interested in getting involved and taking the mic, get in touch with The Good Gig Company via their Instagram here.
Great cocktails, tasty beers and delicious food alongside free live music!
Music from 8pm til 11pm.
DJs in the Main Bar Every Saturday Night
Every Saturday, The Thieves comes alive with an unbeatable soundtrack courtesy of our resident DJs in the Main Bar.
Expect a crowd-pleasing mix of party classics, disco, funk, soul, house, hip-hop, R&B and feel-good anthems, expertly selected to keep the dancefloor moving from the first drink to the last song.
Whether you’re celebrating, catching up with friends or simply looking for a great night out, our Saturday DJs bring the energy, atmosphere and weekend vibes that make The Thieves one of London’s favourite party destinations.
Free Entry | Every Saturday | DJs from 8pm – 2am
DJs in The Arcade Every Friday and Saturday
DJ’S IN THE ARCADE
Head upstairs to the Arcade every Friday night for an expertly curated soundtrack of party favourites, timeless classics and dancefloor gems.
Expect everything from funk, soul and disco to hip-hop, house, R&B and feel-good anthems, all selected by our resident DJs to keep the energy high and the good times rolling into the early hours.
Whether you’re settling in for a few drinks, celebrating with friends or looking for somewhere to kick-start your weekend, the Arcade provides the perfect late-night atmosphere.
Free Entry | Every Friday and Saturday | DJs from 9pm – 2am
Live Music Every Friday!
Kick off your weekend with some of the best live music London has to offer, completely free of charge with brand new live acts announced every week!
Every Friday, The Thieves hosts a rotating line-up of exceptional musicians, bands and performers spanning soul, funk, indie, blues, pop, acoustic favourites and everything in between. Whether you’re discovering a new favourite artist or catching a seasoned performer up close, every show brings something different.
Grab a drink, settle in with friends and enjoy an evening of outstanding live music in the heart of the city. No tickets, no fuss – just great artists, great atmosphere and free entry all night.
Free Entry | Every Friday | Live Music from 9pm til 1am
Open Mic Music Every Other Tuesday
The best up and coming singers and musicians join us for a night of free live music!
If you’re interested in getting involved and taking the mic, get in touch with The Good Gig Company via their Instagram here.
Great cocktails, tasty beers and delicious food alongside free live music!
Music from 8pm til 11pm.
Pitch, Please! | Pitch Your Single Friend!
The world in 2026 is all about meeting IRL, not on dating apps!
Got a friend who’s single, stunning, and totally dateable? Time to sell them on stage at TheThieves with PITCH, PLEASE!
DISCLAIMER - YOU DON'T HAVE TO PITCH ANYONE TO ATTEND THIS EVENT
To apply to pitch, please fill out the form PITCH A FRIEND FORM!
Get involved and buy tickets here.
Welcome to Pitch a Single Friend – the wildly fun, slightly chaotic, and fun night where friendship meets matchmaking. It’s like Dragon’s Den, but for dating… and with cocktails.
Here’s the deal: brave (and maybe slightly mischievous) pals take the mic to pitch their fabulous friends to a room full of eligible singles. Each 3–5 minute power point pitch is a celebration of what makes their mate a total catch – with humour, heart, and just enough sass. Expect around 4-7 pitches throughout the night with plenty of time in between to drink, flirt, and discuss who’s a 10/10.
Because if you’re going to sell your mate…
Pitch, Please.
Presenters and the friend their pitching get half price entry, don't say we don't treat you x
💌 Not pitching? No worries. Come to watch, cheer, and maybe even meet your next crush in the crowd. It’s low-pressure, high-fun, and the perfect midweek buzz.
💌Not single but got a bestie to pitch? If you’re loved-up, cuffed, or simply not on the market but you do have a single friend you’re ready to hype up, you’re more than welcome!
🌟 50+ Singles, one venue. 25+
7:00 PM arrival = peak mingling hour
The Great Comedy Heist: Live Comedy
Join us at Thieves for a night of phenomenal comedy!
Featuring:
John Robertson
An Australian-born hurricane of manic energy, John Robertson is best known as the creator and host of The Dark Room, the world's first interactive live-action videogame comedy show, which grew from a viral YouTube hit into an international cult sensation. A sharp-witted stand-up, streamer, and author, John's energetic, improvisational style and fearless crowd work have made him a standout headline act at comedy festivals and venues across the globe.
"A compelling performer, known for his manic and quick-witted style of improvised stand-up comedy." — Comedy Carnival
Finlay Christie
At just 19, Finlay Christie became one of the youngest ever winners of the prestigious So You Think You're Funny? competition. Dubbed "the voice of his generation" for his sharp takes on Gen Z life, Finlay has amassed a huge online following alongside TV appearances on Live at the Apollo (BBC One), 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown (Channel 4), and The Stand-Up Sketch Show (ITV2). His debut Edinburgh Fringe show, OK Zoomer, earned widespread critical praise and a nomination for NextUp's Best Show Award.
"Finlay Christie will be the future of stand-up comedy." — The Telegraph
Justin Panks
Unapologetically fearless and high-energy, Justin Panks brings a raw, "punk-rock" edge to the stand-up stage. A highly sought-after MC and circuit veteran with over a decade of international experience, Justin delivers unexpected punchlines disguised as everyday anecdotes. Known for his sharp observational wit, supreme stage confidence, and ability to command any room, he effortlessly balances relatable humor with outrageous, boundary-pushing jokes.
Doors 7pm - Show 8pm.
Open Mic Comedy Every Other Tuesday: Hosted by Comedy Now London
Whether you’re an up and coming comedian eager to get on the mic or a lover of the art form and keen for a laugh - come and enjoy free entry Comedy at Thieves!
Get in touch with Comedy Now via their Instagram here to get involved in the Open Mic!
Free Entry, 8pm til 11pm
DJ's in the Main Bar Every Saturday Night
Every Saturday, The Thieves comes alive with an unbeatable soundtrack courtesy of our resident DJs in the Main Bar.
Expect a crowd-pleasing mix of party classics, disco, funk, soul, house, hip-hop, R&B and feel-good anthems, expertly selected to keep the dancefloor moving from the first drink to the last song.
Whether you’re celebrating, catching up with friends or simply looking for a great night out, our Saturday DJs bring the energy, atmosphere and weekend vibes that make The Thieves one of London’s favourite party destinations.
Free Entry | Every Saturday | DJs from 8pm – 2am
DJs in The Arcade Every Friday and Saturday
DJ’S IN THE ARCADE
Head upstairs to the Arcade every Friday night for an expertly curated soundtrack of party favourites, timeless classics and dancefloor gems.
Expect everything from funk, soul and disco to hip-hop, house, R&B and feel-good anthems, all selected by our resident DJs to keep the energy high and the good times rolling into the early hours.
Whether you’re settling in for a few drinks, celebrating with friends or looking for somewhere to kick-start your weekend, the Arcade provides the perfect late-night atmosphere.
Free Entry | Every Friday and Saturday | DJs from 9pm – 2am
Open Mic Music Every Other Tuesday
The best up and coming singers and musicians join us for a night of free live music!
If you’re interested in getting involved and taking the mic, get in touch with The Good Gig Company via their Instagram here.
Great cocktails, tasty beers and delicious food alongside free live music!
Music from 8pm til 11pm.
DJ's in the Main Bar Every Saturday Night
Every Saturday, The Thieves comes alive with an unbeatable soundtrack courtesy of our resident DJs in the Main Bar.
Expect a crowd-pleasing mix of party classics, disco, funk, soul, house, hip-hop, R&B and feel-good anthems, expertly selected to keep the dancefloor moving from the first drink to the last song.
Whether you’re celebrating, catching up with friends or simply looking for a great night out, our Saturday DJs bring the energy, atmosphere and weekend vibes that make The Thieves one of London’s favourite party destinations.
Free Entry | Every Saturday | DJs from 8pm – 2am
DJs in The Arcade Every Friday and Saturday
DJ’S IN THE ARCADE
Head upstairs to the Arcade every Friday night for an expertly curated soundtrack of party favourites, timeless classics and dancefloor gems.
Expect everything from funk, soul and disco to hip-hop, house, R&B and feel-good anthems, all selected by our resident DJs to keep the energy high and the good times rolling into the early hours.
Whether you’re settling in for a few drinks, celebrating with friends or looking for somewhere to kick-start your weekend, the Arcade provides the perfect late-night atmosphere.
Free Entry | Every Friday and Saturday | DJs from 9pm – 2am
Live Music Every Friday!
Kick off your weekend with some of the best live music London has to offer, completely free of charge with brand new live acts announced every week!
Every Friday, The Thieves hosts a rotating line-up of exceptional musicians, bands and performers spanning soul, funk, indie, blues, pop, acoustic favourites and everything in between. Whether you’re discovering a new favourite artist or catching a seasoned performer up close, every show brings something different.
Grab a drink, settle in with friends and enjoy an evening of outstanding live music in the heart of the city. No tickets, no fuss – just great artists, great atmosphere and free entry all night.
Free Entry | Every Friday | Live Music from 9pm til 1am
The Great Comedy Heist: Live Comedy
Join us at Thieves for a night of phenomenal comedy!
Featuring:
Andrew Maxwell
Renowned for his razor-sharp wit and fearless social commentary, Andrew Maxwell is a double Edinburgh Comedy Award nominee and one of the UK and Ireland’s most acclaimed stand-ups. A regular face on television, his credits include Live at the Apollo, Have I Got News For You, Mock the Week, QI, and ITV’s I’m a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! He is also known as the instantly recognizable voice of MTV's Ex on the Beach and a frequent host and guest on BBC Radio 4’s comedy roster.
Peter Rethinasamy
Born and raised in Belfast to a Malaysian father and Irish mother, Peter Rethinasamy brings hard-hitting, punchy punchlines and hilarious stories of his Northern Irish upbringing to the stage. Winner of the London Comedy Store King Gong competition and a regular across top UK clubs, Peter has featured on Comedy Central Live and supported acts like Seann Walsh and Kerry Godliman on tour.
Darius Davies
High-energy, charismatic, and fiercely original, Darius Davies first started out in the comedy clubs of New York before taking the UK circuit by storm. Co-creator of the smash-hit Edinburgh Fringe show Hate 'N' Live, Darius delivers fast-paced satirical storytelling and unstoppable crowd interaction that has earned him praise across the national press and comedy circuit.
Doors 7pm - Show 8pm.
Open Mic Comedy Every Other Tuesday: Hosted by Comedy Now London
Whether you’re an up and coming comedian eager to get on the mic or a lover of the art form and keen for a laugh - come and enjoy free entry Comedy at Thieves!
Get in touch with Comedy Now via their Instagram here to get involved in the Open Mic!
Free Entry, 8pm til 11pm
DJ's in the Main Bar Every Saturday Night
Every Saturday, The Thieves comes alive with an unbeatable soundtrack courtesy of our resident DJs in the Main Bar.
Expect a crowd-pleasing mix of party classics, disco, funk, soul, house, hip-hop, R&B and feel-good anthems, expertly selected to keep the dancefloor moving from the first drink to the last song.
Whether you’re celebrating, catching up with friends or simply looking for a great night out, our Saturday DJs bring the energy, atmosphere and weekend vibes that make The Thieves one of London’s favourite party destinations.
Free Entry | Every Saturday | DJs from 8pm – 2am
DJs in The Arcade Every Friday and Saturday
DJ’S IN THE ARCADE
Head upstairs to the Arcade every Friday night for an expertly curated soundtrack of party favourites, timeless classics and dancefloor gems.
Expect everything from funk, soul and disco to hip-hop, house, R&B and feel-good anthems, all selected by our resident DJs to keep the energy high and the good times rolling into the early hours.
Whether you’re settling in for a few drinks, celebrating with friends or looking for somewhere to kick-start your weekend, the Arcade provides the perfect late-night atmosphere.
Free Entry | Every Friday and Saturday | DJs from 9pm – 2am
Live Music Every Friday!
Kick off your weekend with some of the best live music London has to offer, completely free of charge with brand new live acts announced every week!
Every Friday, The Thieves hosts a rotating line-up of exceptional musicians, bands and performers spanning soul, funk, indie, blues, pop, acoustic favourites and everything in between. Whether you’re discovering a new favourite artist or catching a seasoned performer up close, every show brings something different.
Grab a drink, settle in with friends and enjoy an evening of outstanding live music in the heart of the city. No tickets, no fuss – just great artists, great atmosphere and free entry all night.
Free Entry | Every Friday | Live Music from 9pm til 1am