HERE TO STEAL YOUR NIGHT AWAY.
Brunches, Gigs, Cabaret & Late-Night Escapades
Full Tilt Entertainment: Never Miss a Moment
We are a destination venue, attracting people from all over for our unique offerings. The Thieves is the epicentre of live spectacle and late-night action.
Brunches, Gigs, Comedy, & Club Nights
From pulsating gigs and dazzling cabaret to side-splitting comedy and high-energy club nights, there’s always something to get into. You'll find DJs spinning disco house, funk, soul, disco, indie, alt, and classics —the energy will never drop.
Culturally Curious?
For the culturally curious, keep an eye out for our most unique events, like the Neon Naked Strip Karaoke or a spontaneous live set. Every day, something's happening —get ready to live the night at full tilt.
NEW YEAR’S EVE
big saxy house party
WEDNESDAY 31ST DEC: 7PM-3AM
The Thieves is transforming into the wildest house party in London this New Year’s Eve, and you’re invited!
Forget stuffy dinners and dull countdowns—it’s time to get Big and Sassy as we bid farewell to 2025 and usher in 2026 with a proper BANG!
What To Expect:
Non-Stop Party Bangers: Our DJs will be dropping massive tracks all night long. Seriously, all night! Sassy Drag Hosts: Our incredible hosts will be keeping the energy high, the vibes immaculate, and the party flowing until the very last drop.
Live Music & Karaoke: Grab the mic and become a legend! We're bringing the house down with live musical performances and the chance for you to belt out your favourite tunes in the Karaoke Corner.
Arcade Corner: Take a break from the dance floor and challenge your mates on our classic arcade machines.
Free Shots for Early Birds! The first 100 guests through the door with a ticket will get a free shot on the house! Don't be late—you'll want to secure your spot and your welcome drink.
🥂 Get Your Tickets Now! 🥂
This is going to be our biggest NYE event yet, and tickets will fly. Don’t miss out on the ultimate house party experience to kick off your 2026 in style.
WEEKLY
EVENTS
Twisted time machine djs
THURSDAYS: 8PM-12AM
Twisted Time Machine are bringing their best DJs to blow the bloody doors off Battersea’s biggest Thursday night out! Expect your night to be stolen away and forget to go home as you’ll be throwing shapes on the dance-floor to the best tunes from the 70’s ’til now.
bangers V clangers
FRIDAYS: 8PM-2AM
A musical battle where the audience vote for winning songs using House Of Dinosaur's iconic Banger vs Clanger cards. DJs will take you on a competitive, knockout journey through music genres, with only one goal: to crown, once and for all, the world's BIGGEST BANGER.
TWISTED TIME MACHINE PARTY
SATURDAYS: 8PM-2AM
The Rocket fuelled, interactive dance party Twisted Time Machine is taking over our Saturday nights with a non-stop voyage through all the best party eras and beyond! Expect bangers from the 1970s to present day, along with surprise trips to Disneyland, Taylor Swift's Social Club and loads more!
sunday songbook
SUNDAYS: FROM 3PM
Hosted by Rudi Douglas, come along and sing out to a host of new covers from nearly all the songs that made you gay. Or gay adjacent. Or a bit merry once at a party. Entry is FREE, so tell a friend to tell a friend and sing your hearts out.
comedy
GOOD SHIP COMEDY
VARIOUS SHOWS
Good Ship Comedy are onboard to deliver the best midweek stand-up in all of South London. Every show features famous faces and terrific support acts from the UK and international circuit. Previous headliners include legends such as Sarah Pascoe, Kae Kurd and Rosie Jones.